This past weekend, Aneela and I attended the wedding of a dear old friend of mine, and between the travel and the wedding itself, there was no time to work on blogging. But I’m back for mostly daily posting! And I’m back with a new post inspired by the wedding, itself, about marriage…
My wife and I are completely different people- different in almost every way, besides our love for each other, which itself is different from each others’ though of equal proportions. Combined, our love makes for our union, which is a single embodiment made up of half of each of us. The other half of us each is for ourselves to grow as individuals, and for our other relationships. Our individual growth contributes to all relationships, as well.
This is how I like to think of our healthy marriage. I believe that if we were to not analyze and constantly work things out with each other, therefore understanding exactly what we have together, we would be left up to the chance of the relationship potentially working, or not. That is where I believe many relationships go wrong- many people consider their partners expendable, but once two people have committed to marriage, and especially when they are raising kids together, there should be very less capable of splitting them apart. Things should not be left up to chance anymore, or the Universe, or any other force but the determination of the wedded couple, from the moment they have been wed. And if both people are determined to succeed as a couple, healthily, there will be nothing but death itself to do them part, because true love always perseveres.
As of now, in our world, there are other forces tearing couples apart, or making a relationship one-sided and not worth persevering for. One such force is the pseudo-force of violence. Quirks such as bossiness and other immaturities can be worked with, but violence can not, and should not be tolerated in a romantic relationship. No matter the other circumstances of the relationship (family ties, children, etc.), if a partner is violent, the other partner should leave. Though I know it to not be such an easy decision as just up and leaving, the end result should always be that the abused partner leaves, sooner than later.
We are not always so in-tune with truth and understanding to be able to determine if we are being abused in any way- except for violent abuse (which includes forced sex- our body is our own, and if a partner physically forces us to have sex, that is the worst kind of violence). If our partner hurts us physically without remorse, even once, we should always leave, as respectable people (and we are all respectable, so therefore should act as such). Remorse is how we can tell if they hurt us on accident, like without realizing they would hurt us, or on purpose; if on purpose, we should leave as soon as we can. Otherwise, in terms of other types of abuse, we can’t always tell if they are emotionally abusive on purpose, and therefore if it could be something we could do differently, or something they would change if we communicated it. In such cases of potential emotional abuse, we can stand up for ourselves, because sometimes a partner is simply so damaged that they can’t function properly without help, sometimes doing things without realizing the implications, and we can be that help rather than another abandonment, though in such cases, it is undoubtedly difficult. But in marriage, we take the good with the bad. However, as soon as a painful blow is landed on purpose, regardless of if they claim it to be a mental lapse, that is when it is time to walk away and be a hard lesson for them to learn. And never go back, or they will believe somewhere within themselves that it is acceptable to abuse.
A marriage is supposed to be a promise to love and cherish the partner forever, through lifetimes, eternally as long as one remembers their vows. Some advice we gave the newlyweds this past weekend was to always communicate their feelings to each other, and to always remember the good times when things get rough. These are two bits of advice that we, ourselves, constantly remind each other of in our deepest conversations, which we have often. We are best friends, and I hope that the newly wedded couple we witnessed taking vows this past weekend will always be best friends, too. And we hope that you, our followers and anyone reading this post, can take something from it for your own relationships.
Peace and Love for Happiness… PL4H
-Aaron J Kaplan